oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
