I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
