is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
