They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
