Kiss
Puke
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
