If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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