I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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