And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
