She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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