Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
