When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We had sex on a dog bed..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
