Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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