Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
