i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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