people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
