Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
