I will die if light touches me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
