If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
