Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
