You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
