So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
