Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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