Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
