Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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