Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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