I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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