I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
