I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
