dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
