If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
