Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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