If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
