But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was CRYING into my vagina
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
