Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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