So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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