All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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