I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
