I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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