Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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