And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
