YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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