Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
