I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
