matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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