Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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