I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
