no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
