I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
