proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
