Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
