just tell him i said nine months
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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