the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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