I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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