I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
